Shanghai foreign language education press
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- Điều hướng trang này:
- Translators intention and method
- Comparison of TL with SL text
| TRANSLATION CRITICISM
SL text analysis The text's intention is to state that since the War the Federal Republic's political direction has been sound and that the country has become a prosperous, hardworking, orderly and moderate nation. SCALA represents a West German establishment view and is published by a Frankfurt publisher (subsidised?) for an educated non-specialist readership. It is translated into five languages. The text is written in cultivated 'quality press 1 language, relying on a few emotive words and restrained standard metaphors to attain its persuasive, indeed propaganda effect. Culturally there are one or two problems. This is an 'anonymous 1 text, following normal and natural usage* and it is fairly well written. The translation method should be 'communicative 1 throughout. This is a journalistic text, where finely accurate translation is not as important as in many other text-types. A clean impact is essential - the translation must not be cluttered with detail, Translator's intention and method The translator's intention, as in all Vocative' texts, is to produce the same effect on his readership as was produced on the readership of the original. As there is much cultural overlap, this is theoretically possible. An English readership would however be unlikely to react like a German readership to this text and one assumes that the translator should attempt to make his readership envious. The translator showed himself aware of the importance of achieving a strong emotive effect and of using idiomatic language. Comparison of TL with SL text Title The 'allusive' title is translated by its standard equivalent; alternatively, *For the benefit of all 1 . A descriptive equivalent could be 'West German prosperity'. Grammar 11.1-3 The rhetorical question, whose function here is to introduce the topic, is retained in the English, although this device is not so common in English as in other European languages. L2 wenn es urn die Arbeit geht: The shift from clause to adverbial group unnecessarily increases the formality and decreases the emphasis of this item. Alternative: 'when they have to work'. ZUMWOHLEAIXER 279 1.3 wenn nack Streik gerufen wird; More typically, the shift from the passive to a standard metaphor makes for a less formal tone, 1.5 gegrundev. *birth\ It is natural in English to prefer verb-nouns to verbs for concision and emphasis. 1.8 Wokisiand vorausgesagv. Expanded to 'prophesied that (they) would reach prosperity'. The collocation * reach prosperity 1 is awkward; 'achieve pros- perity 1 is preferable. 1.9 ungldubigem Staunen: 'astonishment, disbelief- The shift strengthens the translation. 1.13 ausgerichtet: Converted to verbal-noun: 'objective 1 . 1.24 im Rikkblick: looking back* is less formal than *in retrospect', 1.33 gnmdsatztich: 'the general principle is that*. 11.35-6 es in der Bundesrepublik gibr. 'the FRG has 1 is less formal. Modulations 11.15-6 hat es nickt an Ftei0 gemangelt: l they worked hard'. The modulation is justified since the German is a considerable understatement. 1.35 Freikeit: 'not be limited'. The modulation is influenced by the linguistic context; it dangerously overstresses the point. It would have been wiser to keep to 'freedom of. . .powers* 1.38 sick in Grenzen halten: 'are not all too great 1 . A less formal but inadequate rendering of the German dead metaphor, 'are kept in bounds', gets the sense . U,40—1 stektdazuineinemengenZusammenkang: This is one of the main reasons': a bold, rather free but successful modulation, since it is less muted and formal than the original. Metaphors 1.6 Sckuttberge: Standard literal translation of standard metaphor. 1.6 das Bild prdgten: 'were normal'. Rather unusual metaphor ('characterised the general picture') is normalised to sense. Here the original's powerful effect is lost, 1.10 Kopfschiitteln: Concrete and figurative literally translated, with 'sad' replacing verstandnislos. 1.17 das Giuck stand ihnen zur Seite: 'they were lucky'. Adequate reduction to sense of standard metaphor. 1L25-6 eingeschlagene Weg . . . Imveg: Standard translations as 'approach' and 'mistake' respectively. 'Take an approach 1 is acceptable - 'path' would be too refined. Lexis 1.2 fauler: Slower'. The clever ironical contrast with 'industrious 1 is lost, which seems a pity, but the version is normalised. 280 METHODS 1.4 kaum: 'shortly 1 . Under-translation required by linguistic context. 1.5 gegriinder. The change from 'foundation' to 'birth 1 is in the taste area. 1.6 Elend: 'poverty' is an under-translation for 'distress', 1.15 ausbauen: 'make' is an under-translation for'strengthen', 'consolidate'. 1.20 Aufbau: 'development'. Under-translation for 'building up 1 . 1.22 Abbau: 'gradual elimination 1 . A perceptive componential analysis of Abbau. 1.27 Eigentum: 'property rights'. Strengthens the sense. 1L28-9 Gebrauch . . . dienen: The two words are successfully conflated as 'used'. 1.36 Arbeitskdmpfe: Familiar alternative ('industrial action') for 'strikes 1 , 1.38 Gegensatze: Usually a stronger word than 'differences' ('contrasts', 'antitheses', 'oppositions', 'antagonisms'). Suggests that the translator is trying to tone down the original. 1.40 ohne jede Chance: Could have been translated as 'no prospects' or 'no future 1 . The translator appears to be spelling out the sense for propaganda reasons. Misprint? 1.22 Zolle: Should read *duties'(?) unless 'duty' Is seen as a collective noun. Institutional terms 1.14 emem sozialen Rechtsstaat is a quotation from the Federal Republic's Basic Law> or Constitution. A 'social, constitutional state' is the official translation and ha* to be retained. Rechtsstaat, defined as a state where the authority of the government is limited by a system of law (Wahrig), is a recognised technical term. 'Constitutional state' is merely a descriptive equivalent or a label. Note that Collins* German Dictionary deals inadequately with this term, Sozialen? 'asocial. . . state', is an ambiguous unusual descriptive term but it is comprehensible in the context of Sozialstaat, 'welfare state'. 1.34 unternehmerisch: 'entrepreneurial' is the closest technical equivalent. Sound-effect 11.20,22 Aufbau and Abbau as sound-effect is lost, Word-order 1.11 Dock von Angang an: This phrase has been shifted to the end of the sentence in the translation. The English phrase 'from the very outset' is a ZUM WOHLE ALLER 281 dead metaphor, is more idiomatic and therefore stronger than the German. Whether it is put at the end or the beginning of the sentence is a matter of laste. Addition 11.37-8 'of building up a large following' strengthens Chance but 'have no future 1 would be decisive and concise. tải về 2 Mb. Chia sẻ với bạn bè của bạn:
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